Am i coming or going?

I have been up since 6 this morning. Well, by 'up', i mean i have found toddling around, cleaning and being productive since that time but before that, i wasn't asleep or owt. Bloody pain in the arse, this insomnia.

I have been told i simply 'must go' to the doctors next week because they want a little sample of each part of me. Wee, poo, blood, heart and probably a bit of my peen but hey! Who doesn't?! I am in high demand after all!

Right, my house is a bloody shrine to all things clean right now. Kim and Aggie would come in and they would ask if they could take a shower because they are such stinky fuckers compared to the fitness they would have to witness.

I just finished sorting out my cupboards in the kitchen. The dish cupboard has been sorted through three times in the past week. I can't make it feel 'right' haha. Joker.

Another Kissmass present just got delivered. It is frustrating me that i can't write it here because i know that my sister reads my blog sometimes. I don't want her to know what i have and have not managed to get hold of for her. I want SOME things to be a nice surprise. And i could even practise my lying and pretend that i haven't been able to pick some things up and invent others that i know she wont like. Eurgh. I hate having a complete and utter inability when it comes to lying. I reckon you could probably consider it to be a disability. Lying/lieing? My spellcheck is telling me that the latter is wrong but it looks right. You tell a lie, so you must be lieing? And you lay in bed, which means you would be laying? Oh fuck knows. Who even cares anyways. It is the weekend - a time for vodka and wild rampant sex, not for spellcheckers and thesaurus' and shiznit.

I made my Evangeline learn 'cockbanger' the other day. I love teaching spellcheck things. Thank fuck i don't have that stupid bloody paperclip thing that i used to have to fight with when i was with Microsoft. No wonder my computer broke! If i didn't know better, i would say i had tried percussive maintenance. Alas, that is not the case. I spilled a pint of water on it instead. That's what happens when you have issues with dislocating kneecaps. It seems to happen at the most awkward of moments.

For the second Saturday night in a row, i am going to be having a life! I am surprised too, don't you worry! Liv and Chantelley are coming over and we are going to watch Toy Story 3 and Casualty and maybe I'm A Celeb but that is only on the 'maybe' pile, i am afraid.

Toy Story 3 is my new favourite film.

If you know anything about me at all, you will know that i am a bummer of Princess & The Frog. I reckon it has to be one of my most watched DVDs of all time. I really wish i would have seen it at the cinema though :(. Anywho, Toy Story 3 is going to replace that for a fair while now! I can tell. I watched it the other night and still loved it.

When it was released to cinemas and stuff, i saw it twice; once with my Lizzle and her little sister and another time with Stef (everybodydothejitterbug.blogspot.com) and Anna (pleasesteponthescales.blogspot.com). We  had already had enough to drink before going to the cinema because we were passing time drinking DISGUSTING cocktails. One of them we got (i think it was some sort of variation of a Mojito) was so repulsive that we actually ended up leaving it!

I fell to sleep after about half an hour of the film and came around just as 'You've Got A Friend In Me' was playing at the end of the film.

I was so discombobulated, you wouldn't even believe. I have never felt so disorientated as that moment. Well, i probably have actually. I am basically the epitome of disorientation.

Ah well. At least i am the epitome of something

Now, time to hoover up really quickly and then start trying to put my makeup on in such a way that my face stops looking like a field of zits! My chin is one disgusting specimen. It is bright red and its all gross. I don't understand though because i am really good with it. I basically hug my skin and take care of it and this is how it repays me? Maybe i should go back to the times when i would exfoliate up to six times a day. Back to the time when i decided that using an exfoliating glove would be a brilliant idea to get the dry 'winter skin' off of the end of my nose and subsequently ended up removing the skin on the end of my nose. That will be one of those things i will never forget. I remember doing it and thinking 'oh my gosh. i am proper on to something. why don't they have facial exfoliator gloves in shops?' Well, my love, it is because they are BEASTLY. And because, unlike you, they have more than two brain cells to rub together

Ahh. I am in a surprisingly good mood but i think i am going to have to rely largely on coffee to help me through today because...otherwise i may pass out :D

Vodka will either make me fucked out of my tree or send me in to a coma. Only thing i know is that i CAN NOT wait :)

I hope you are all having a wonderful weekend and that you keep safe :)

Oh. And watch out on the snow. I don't wanna blog about it because i fucking loathe the shit but just be careful. I don't want any little Bambi wannabes slip-sliding all over the place and i most certainly do NOT want any injuries! That's rich coming from me - the one who broke her arm in two places from just being in bed.

I get scared of what i might end up doing to myself when i am unleashed on the general public.

god, i wish i had some sweeties. I found one stuck to the carpet behind my bedside cabinet but it was too hairy, even for me :( Sad sad times.