I miss the old times.

I really miss the days when a doctors appointment was just a doctors appointment - there was no anxiety because there was nothing too much to worry about. I even miss the times when i was on weekly prescriptions - only because i knew how it worked. I knew it was a case of go in, tell the doctor how i was feeling, straight back out.
It is so different these days. I spend days and days worrying about appointments. I have them scheduled in for the most anxiety provoking of things.

Take today for example - I have to have a stomach examination. Any fellow ED-er will understand how this is making me feel so anxious. I am terrified. Eurgh.
Yesterday was even hard because i didn't know whether or not to have something to eat. I know how stupid that is but like...i was scared she would be able to feel food in my stomach (OMG. Heaven forbis she think i eat!). It took hours and hours of coaxing on my part just to make something small to eat. Eurgh
I have to discuss the thing with the panic attacks too, and goodness knows what else...
I better hurry up and get dressed so i can write a list lol.

Abso-fucking-lutely shatting myself.

I hope to God i am not triggered by this. Well, not to the point where i binge. Argh
Fuck sake.