You read it here first!

I am pretty sure i am the laziest person to walk this earth since...Mary. She was a lazy bint, using her obese body as a way to get on that donkey was out of order. She should have been stood in the kitchen, making Joseph a sandwich for the long travels ahead. No no. She sits on her arse and i bet she pissed and moaned all the way to fucking Bethlehem. Its a shame the Queen wasn't around back then because that man deserved a knighthood, at the very least.

I am Mary today.

You know when you read those articles about how bad it is that people in America would rather drive the 100yards to the corner shop than walk it? Well, those adverts get on my nerves. Don't tell me not to fucking drive to the shops. If i want to, i will. Nowt wrong with that. Plus, how are you means to carry all the food back? Drag it? In those paper bags an'all? Pull the other one!

I wouldn't drive to the local shop though. Even that would be too much effort because you still have to walk to the car and walk around the shop. Too much fucking about for me, i like things plain and simple.

Drive-through supermarkets.

Yes. You heard it here first.

You get to the entrance, you insert your card in to a reader, you type in your pin and then get your card back. You get a portable scanner thing and with each item you want, you reach out of your window, scan it and then throw it on to the back seat. If you have a kid, you might wanna leave the dog looking after them, unless you don't like them that much. You can put them in the part where you'll be launching the tins if that is the case.

You drive around grabbing what you want and there are junctions and traffic lights and everything. When you get to the end, you have done. The shop takes the money because they have your details so if you think about robbing...well, you can't. And idk...your car could be weighed or something. I am aware there are some details what could be ironed out but it's a good plan, innit?

And if walking from the house is too hard, we will do what i have wanted to do for just about ALL OF MY WALKING LIFE. We will replace all paths in the world with travelators. Like the ones they have at my local Mozzas and in most airports. Plan? Yes.

It'll help the disabled, the obese, the weak, the hungry...everyone.

AND, if you need to get to the hospital quick march, the system will have a special button what launches everybody off it, like an ejector seat and it'll speed you to the hospital. However, it wont be allowed to do it too fast if you have a back complaint. Y'know? Like...that's protocol on Casualty and Casualty is my mould of everything. If it happened in Casualty, it applies to real life. Don't even argue me on that one.

I have just spent however long writing this and still don't have any cat litter OR a magic travellator. So, i am going to be FORCED (i blame David Cameron, he's fucked everything up) to walk to 5-minute-round trip.

FUKMALYF