A list of crap, a random picture and a bit of spaghetti!

This week has been fucking awful

- Your constant hot and coldness towards friendship is starting to piss me off. You love me when its good for you and then forget me when there's someone else. Just be frank and don't piss me around.

- I miss my sister more than i could even attempt to put in to words. I really really miss her. So much that its making me want to cry whenever i think about it.

- This damn body is disgusting and i am getting triggered by anything and everything. I want to just be invisible. Not in a 'not leave footprints' or 'hunger hurts but starving works', Fiona Apple-y sort of way but in a 'please. I just need a break from everyone and everything, including my brain' kinda way.

- I am sorry. I love you and you know that. And i am sorry that this has somehow buried it's way in to the centre of our friendship. I didn't mean it to happen but now that it's there, its like this termite thing that eats away at everything from the foundations up. You don't know it's there until everything starts to crumble around you and, even though there probably is a way to start again, you can't imagine how.
- I hate how you are making me feel. I hate that you are making me feel worthless. Not worthy of treatment and not 'ill' enough. Let me tell you something now, no matter how large i am, this is not normal. I am not meant to be feeling this way or doing these things. And, like my best friend said to me, 'Have you honestly heard of anybody that takes as many laxatives as you do every single day?'. I had to think about it and NO. NO I DO NOT. So stop telling me i don't deserve this.

because i believe you...
but then i don't

this picture does not fit. but, luckily, i do not care.

my head is spaghetti-fied. everything is a tangled mess and i don't know how to unpick all of my thoughts so that i can (maybe) start to see things differently.

I want out.