Conformity

I have finally done it. I have had my Macbook for a whole year and managed to stop myself from downloading any browser other than Safari but i just couldn't do it anymore. I don't even care that it wont let me import my saved password because i don't think i could put up with the joke-like speed of that darn browser for another second. Phew. Thank god that terrible time of life is done and dusted! ;)

Still feeling shitty mctitty but it's okay. I can't be arsed to feel shit about feeling shit because then...snails

(just a side note btw, 'snails' is just something that me and my friend (and now quite a few friends and family) say when we realise we are bored of what we're saying/ have thought of something funnier to say/ can't be arsed to carry on talking)
You don't have to 'get' it...don't worry ;)

Now, today has been strange. It has very much felt like a Sunday but that's probably to do with the fact that i have done very little. I didn't manage to get to sleep until about 7 or 8 o'clock this morning and was up at 1pm. I know that that is disgustingly late but my body would just not let me wake up before that.

All i have done today is be really FML (again), paint my nails, try to calm myself down about leaving the house tomorrow and talk to a friend. :) As well as the obvious Facebook stalking and watching a few Glastonbury performances :)

So, as i just mentioned, i have to go out tomorrow. I am meeting Lucie in the morning because she likes (no WE like) to try to meet about twice a week and it normally works well to do Tuesdays and Thursdays. I can't manage being out of the house for two consecutive days because of ED restrictions and shizzle. All fun and games in my life lol.

Tomorrow afternoon, i have an appointment with my CPN. I am not looking forward to it. She called me when she had spoken to Andrea on Friday. Andrea had called her because of my meltdown on Thursday and Hayley just wanted to check how i was. I forgot i had an appointment with her on Tuesday but i think she just expects me to 'forget'... To think i am normally good at going to appointments. I just struggle when it has been a while and my head is being so mean...

So yes... when i spoke to her on Friday, she was asking how we could make it easier. I shouldn't have said this but i did, 'I just need to stop fucking throwing food at my face'. She found it funny so that was cool. lol. If you don't know by now, i am pretty flippant about ED things. Survival, yo! Anywho, i told her that it would be a comfort if i knew that she wasn't going to start saying i look 'well' and 'healthy'. If you're a fellow ED-er, you will know how those few words can hit you like a ton of bricks, especially when you're pretty vulnerable and low... She agreed to that.

I then mentioned how i had seen her last week in Meadowhall (she ignored me because she 'didnt know what to say in case the person i was with didn't know things. Lol. She really doesnt know me yet! hah). She then goes, 'I know you dont want to hear you look well but you do look tanned.'

FUCK

THE

FUCK

OFF

I don't need you to fucking tell me. hjkhgksjhfjsgfjgsjhfgjshg fuck off

Right, let it be know now that if you tell me i look 'healthy' or 'well' or 'better' then i am going to lose it. You have had your warning because i am sick and fucking tired of people knowing stuff and then saying it, like they can't stop themselves.

If you care at all then you will understand that i am not just saying this. IT HURTS. It hurts to such a level that it makes things worse.

SO FUCK OFF. AND SHUT YOUR FACES.

k?thanx.

Jeez. Agression Tourettes. Soz.

Argh. So excited to see Annabella tomorrow.

I just walk around going, 'Annabella, can you say...' all day.

I got her to say 'vodka' the other day but then realised that was naughty so i have banned myself from naughty things.

My god its tempting though!

:)

Oh fuck. The enter key appears to have been my best friend today. Soz 'bout dat. I have been talking about it and it must be me being inspired by a certain someone! ;) wink wink!