I bit the bullet last night and decided to watch the programme. I normally wait and let my friend watch programmes i am worried about and i kind of let her 'vet' them so that i can protect myself from anything triggering. That's one of the main reasons i refuse to watch that channel four 'The Model Agency' programme, as well as that obviously being triggering, even on mute! Lol.
It was okay though.
In fact, i enjoyed it. I thought it was really good. I have always been a massive fan of Lily Allen, knowing all of her songs and often saving her pictures on my computer. I love her quirky sense of humour and the way she treats life, kind of like i do - burying her head in the sand when things get a bit too much or when things are daunting. I have seen a couple of documentaries on her in the past and, i have to admit, thoroughly enjoyed all of them.
I don't buy in to the whole celebrity culture thing anymore, not like i used to. I used to know every bit of celebrity gossip and be able to reel if off on request. It was really rather sad and it was one of my many obsessions.
I now make a conscious effort to steer clear of everything to do with that world. The world of airbrushes and bones and of weight loss and gain is too triggering for me to handle. And, right now, that is the last thing i need.
Watching the documentary, i found myself being sucked in to my love of Lily Allen again. I love that. I just think she is an inspiration to many people. I know that she has had posted a few tweets urging fans not to watch the show as it had been filmed a year ago and she is nothing like that now. I understand what she means though. A year is a long time. And it must be horrid to be reminded of yourself a year ago. And to be exploited by the press for quotes such as 'I had an eating disorder'
She thought she had an ED, yes. And she probably did. I mean, nobody is saying that throwing up after meals is normal. Fuck no. I would never even think of saying that. And power be to her if she was speaking out about it but i am annoyed that channel 4 decided to show that part. it was a passing comment. I mean, by all means be open about something like that but don't say stupid things about it. Don't comment on how you were more popular or on how people said you looked amazing. Don't fucking say you had an eating disorder and then semi-glorify it. I know she mentioned that she felt like a pile of shit but i don't think that following that comment with "I would love to be the skinniest minniest person in the world but I can't do that without being unhappy - I like food."That just annoyed me. I know she said she was unhappy but for fuck sake...don't say you would still love it...i don't know how to articulate myself properly here but i just got annoyed that she said that.
I always feel the need to protect people - namely the impressionable people of the world. The young people watching a tv show about their favourite ex-popstar, the impressionable adolescents, the people looking to find inspiration in someone...i just want to censor all eating disorder references in the media that don't aim to HELP. There are many media stories out there where the main aim is to shock and not to prevent or to help. They want to tell you about the 6ft 4in model who weighed 12lbs and floated away in a breeze before being blown into a jumbo jet engine but they aren't interested in the umpteen girls at a 'normal' weight who purge their way through life and live in a semi-conscious existence. I just don't feel that eating disorders are represented properly. They're all skin, bones, stones and fucking calories but not centred around help centres, coping strategies and ...
I am making no sense
I want eating disorders to be spoken about and i want there to be awareness. This is why i speak so openly about my illness in all parts of my life. I don't lie and hide. I open up and i am proud of that. I hope that the media will get a grip and realise that an eating disorder is not like an advertsement. It should not be used to sell papers or promote diets. It shouldn't be used as some sort of unique selling points.
Sometimes they just seem to be like an accessory and not a disease...
Oh lovely, I agreeeee. Whilst it's good, sometimes, that tv programmes highlight things not in the open enough, I think she should have either talked more about it, or talked less- in order for people to understand what she/other people have gone through, they need to know the horrific details, the details that scare, rather than inspire, the ones that bring pity, rather than envy.
ReplyDeleteChin up, you're wonderful.
xxxxx
I think the fact she was so open and wasn't an emaciated fruit cake, was showing a real side to eating disorders.
ReplyDeleteSo many think you have to be a 6ft model with a bmi of 15 to have an eating disorder.
She commented on a couple of her behaviours (restriction ans purging) and the thoughts (I wish I was thin) to highlight the fact that EVEN that is distorted.
She was frank and honest and what I hope is that she can have said that and some girls/women/men may have watched and thought, I do that. And rather then deny they have a disorder think; maybe this is a problem, because Lily is saying it is.
She didn't once glorify it.
And the model agency actually has little if anything to do with modelling per se.
It is more fly on the wall this is what working in an office is like! Love it :)
Oh and I am not purposely arguing with you, just giving a perspective and I hope that is okay, given it is your blog and all xxxx