This mood is nice.

This mood is really nice. I really do like it but I don't know whether I am meant to like it or not. I am inside a bubble where all that matters is me. I can't touch anything outside of this bubble and nor do I want to. I am drinking from a giant bottle of Dr Pepper Zero and I look like a knob. I don't care because all I am bothered about is what I think of myself. Fuck the other people.
So, if you walk past a girl today and you stare at her because you've never seen hair so red or sunglasses shaped like hearts with pink sparkles, that's me. If you walk past the girl who looks uncomfortable in her skin but comfortable with herself, that's going to be me. And that girl with the massive Toy Story 3 bag? That's me too.

I'm waiting for the bus and I'm sat on the ridiculous gay bar things. They're meant to be seats but I don't get them. I don't understand the actual aim of the person that designed these things. I can't feel my arse. Well, no. That's a blatant lie because I'm not sure I've ever been able to feel so much of my arse before in the whole of my twenty-one years. It is times like this when I could imagine being thankful for the fat on my arsecheeks. I can imagine it but I'm not going to be thankful. Not yet. Probably not ever. The day I think that is the day I chuck in the towel.

The feeling of being in a bubble is being amplified at the moment because it looks like I have a forcefield around me. People are offended by my taste in music, I think. It could be something to do with the expletives that are flying from my earphones. You can almost see them doing the swift intake of breath and vomming a little in their mouths. I want to go back to the nineties and walk around with a boombox on my shoulder. I should try that one day.

I feel like I am never going to arrive at this flipping BBQ, I've been waiting for the bus for half of my life, even though I couldve got the tram but the bus is kinder. It drops me off nearly on the doorstep of Mum and Dad's house. I can't be arsed to walk the fifteen minutes from the tram stop to the house when I can walk the three minutes from the bus stop. Haha

My teeth hurt today and I don't like it. Its funny because I can't even remember the last time I ate cake or biscuits. In fact, the nearest I have got to sugar overload was the two nectarines and the peach I had this afternoon, before leaving the house. Hardly a need for my teeth to scream out in pain, is it?
My teeth are a sore subject with me. I want to brush them and I know exactly when and how to brush them but I've struggled with the idea since...probably near the start of my 'problems'. I used to shit myself that the toothpaste would have calories in. Trust me, these disorders can play some mint tricks on you. I've done pregnancy tests when I haven't had sex, just because of how massive my tummy was/felt or whatever haha. I used to refuse to sit down in doctors rooms or in the clinic because of those stupid chairs that can weigh you. I was scared that they would be secretly weighing me haha. So yeah...the toothpaste calories (lol). I still find it difficult, even if I've consumed ten thousand calories, I struggle to brush my teefs hahahaha. I love disorders.

I am really looking forward to this barbeque. I am not normally 'allowed' to leave the house on a Sunday because I'm an extrene Christian and I have to sit beside my bed and engage in prayer for fifteen minutes every hour, on the hour. Lol. Imagine if that was the real reason.
Nope. Nothing as cool as that, I'm afraid. Normally, I'm writhing in pain, watching Come Dine With Me and running back and forth to my toilet.
Whilst we're on the subject of shit. I feel like if I fart, this bus would empty quite rapidly. Hahaha. Clench the cheeks. Cleeeench for your life!

I'm waiting for the rain. There's always rain at barbeques. Its the law.