You're lookin' a bit off colour, Bruv

I am looking a bit off colour, i am feeling a bit off colour. I am like that shitty green colour. Nobody knows whether it is light or dark because it just reminds you of pond scum. You know the colour - the one where you actually probably couldn't recreate it, unless you got a sample of pond scum and took it to the Dulux counter at B&Q and managed to convince them that you plan on painting your bedroom in the colour.
Well, if i could, i would paint myself that colour today, just so that as well as LOOKING off-colour, i could BE off-colour.

I feel really ill. I woke up at three this morning and i began sicking. I felt way too ill and i still do. Chantelle followed at about seven in the ay-emm and she began. I know this aint no competition, but i have been more ill. SHE HAS HONESTLY EVEN EATEN MORE FOOD TODAY. I CANNOT IMAGINE EATING THE FOOD THAT MADE ME VOM ALL DAY AND SHE HAS DONE IT. Sick-oh.

I do not know what i should be doing with my time right now.
All i know is that i have changed my mind about cleaning. I have changed my mind about the joys of life and i have not changed my mind about puking spicy shit. I hate it. The burn is too much. On the plus side, i have shat out three WHOLE mushrooms, which would make most people realise that they should chew more. However, i liked it and so, now, i am going to chew a lot less. Just so that i can see which is the coolest thing to shat out, whole.

It is going to be my new game. It has been a random occurence in the past. I now plan on making it my new pastime. Plan, stan.