Ignorance and downright NASTINESS

This weekend has been so fun - my liver is screaming out for a break and i think i may have vodka inside my head instead of brains but it has been veeeeeeery fun. I havent had a drunken weekend like this one in about ten thousand years and my gosh i am out of practise big time!

I went out with my friend on Friday night and got so drunk that i fell to sleep on a table. Last night, i was quite drunk but nowhere near the level of Friday night.

I wanna blog because something happened last night and i don't have a clue how to feel about it.

So, i was outside of the bar we were in and this guy comes up to me. He asked me for a cigarette and i didnt have many so didnt want to give him one. He started literally SCREAMING in my face and being so threatening - an actual arsehole. In the end, i was quite scared so i gave him half a cigarette i forgot about. He suddenly switched and started trying to hug me and everything and i just couldn't deal with the switch in emotion so i just didn't know what the heck to do.

Get ready for this next bit.

He looked down at my arms and started saying, in a really disgusted voice, 'OMG what is that? You cut yourself? You shouldn't do that! Look at the state of your arms. That is disgusting. [shouts his friend over] Come and look at the state of this girl, you're not even going to believe this. Look at her arms theyre a right state. Thats disgusting that isn't it?...'

Literally, he was going ooon and ooon and ooon. I didn't know what to do! I burst in to tears because i just couldnt comprehend a human being being so insensitive and nasty to another person. My arms aren't fresh cuts or scabs or anything. They're old scars from a different time of my life. Old scars that i am going to be stuck with forever.

Granted they're shocking and not the nicest thing to look at but i have to fucking look at them every single day and you have no right to comment like that.

Just step back and imagine someone had been in a car accident and had lost a leg but was relatively okay about it. Would you comment on that? No. Exactly.

And i was in a bad place. I cut myself to smithereens and you know what? I am actually learning to really accept my arms and to show them - well, not SHOW because that implies that i whack em out and stick them in the middle of conversation! I am accepting of them.

This time last year, you don't even know the extent i would have gone to to keep them covered. I'd have gone mad and run round the house to find a cardigan just to answer the door to the postman. Now, i do wear short sleeves. I leave the house wearing short sleeves. And y'know what? I don't feel ashamed of them. They're a reminder of where i have been and how i can overcome things. They're there and i am dealing with that.

I hate them. I hate what i did but i can cope with that because i can't turn back time and i sure as hell can't be bothered bio-oiling when theyre too bad for that shit to work.

I swear i feel so weird now. Once he had done with his outburst - and id told him to go and fucking fuck himself - i went back in to the bar and i literally just wanted to hide from the world. I wanted a cardigan and i wanted it right there and then. It soon passed though and i got on with the night, after going to the toilets and finishing off my little cry.

What an actual cockface!

xxxxx