PANIC!

Friday evening played host to an absolute beast of a panic attack. It was awful.

I felt it coming on as soon as i got to Morrisons. I think it was a build up of various anxiety inducing situations throughout the day - a busy town centre (there's a beach thing going on and we took Annabella to play in the sand), a busy Meadowhall, back in to town AND a busy tram ride - which all added up to create an anxiety volcano! It was horrid. I was trying different things like deep breathing, distraction and a few reassuring words to myself but none of them worked. I called Chantelle for a chat (she had a migraine but was still lovely and spoke to me. Thanks babe!) and i honestly thought it would help to distract me and calm me down. I just wanted to be able to calm the flip down. I reckoned that her talking to me would distract me enough...I was wrong

I ended up having a full blown panic attack.

My vision and brain kept turning off - kind of like passing out but whilst still being able to walk and only lasting for a few seconds - it was fucking terrifying. I would be walking towards a Morissons staff member one second and then my brain would stop and i would be somewhere else, with no staff member anywhere near me. This was making my panic even worse, making the symptoms stronger and scarier.

I finally managed to ask this Mozza man to look after my trolley. He was rather surprised when i went, 'Excuse me [Brain blank happens] but erm...i am about to have a full blown panic attack. I need to go outside. Please can you watch my shopping for me. I, erm, i am really sorry...' He was lovely and waited with it until i came back in. Bless him. I walked away and tried to get to the exit but the brain blanking was even worse and i was having strong shudders through my whole body. I would literally be walking towards the exit and then open my eyes and be at the back of the shop.

I finally made it out of the shop.

My anxiety lowered almost instantly. I took loads of deep breaths and took in the fresh air.

My gosh i honestly felt so tired. I now had a killer headache and just wanted to cry from exhaution and a feeling of general stupidity.

I haven't been back to the Doctor about my panic attacks in a while but i do need to go and ask about the Benzodiazepines that were mentioned before. Someone should seriously get me some chillax pills! Phew

I am so glad that ended though. I had to get a taxi home because i was so shakey and scared...