KIDNEY FOR SALE! ;)

Today was CBT day and, like usual, i was dreading it. I just don't feel like i am doing it in the 'right' way and i don't appear to be making any progress or anything. Its driving me a bit batty to be honest with you! I spoke to my therapist about it today and i explained the difficulties i was having. She started to tell me how these are all 'very common' and completely normal. I understand why she was saying these things but it was starting to get on mynerves a bit. You know when you can just tell that some things are things that are said to everybody and not just to you? Kind of like a little script? Things like that always annoy me. (Especially with shrinks and their 'Have you tried exercise to boost your mood?' and 'Well, you look at a healthy weight!' comments. 1- no. I have not tried exercise because i am too busy with my head down the toilet or in a cake tin and 2 - I know what fucking weight i am and although i appear to be healthy, i have just told you that i am fucking everything up with a nice little concoction of pills and other eating disorder habits that are far from healthy. PRICK! (Lol. Random rant))

I listened to her and told her the why i am struggling so much with the homework. She did listen and she did try to help me through it which was really sweet. I was kind of hard work today (and normally am, to be fair lol) and so i felt a bit bad. My 'negative thoughts' are dead strong and it's bloody exhausting trying to challenge one thought when another pops in to my head, as if to challenge the original challenge with another negative. Which then needs challenging. and so on...

That made sense to me! lol

Tonight, i have been vegging. I got in and just flobbed on the sofa for a bit. I was having a bad bad clothes and body day so it was just lush to get back and put some pyjamas on. SAFETYYYYY :)

I am out again tomorrow. I am feeling okay about it though. Just as long as i can find something to wear that looks okay AND covers me then i will be fine and dandy... i think. I am meeting Lucie and little Annabella so there is not really much pressure! Plus, i think we're going to an indoor play area at some point, which is always the highlight of the trip for me haha.

I am slightly poor though. I should really look in to selling a kidney or something. The new MAC collection didn't look that fun but then, when i looked closer and had a poke, a prod and a stroke of the eyeshadows, i fell in love. WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME, MAC?! I really thought i was safe this time round because the colours didn't look that exciting. Oh! How wrong i was!

Plus, i ran out of foundation the morning (it was a turn the bottle upside down and shake like your life depends on it' moment) so i had to shell out on a new one. Ah well!

So, here are a couple of pictures!

The new eyeshadow duo (double feature #1)

I did my nails tonight too :). OPI - your royal shine-ness with Rimmel's Disco Ball on top and a random nail art pen to do the musical notes! What do you reckon?

xxx