Last night.

Last night has got to be the lowest i have been in quite a long time. I took my Zolpidem and couldn't sleep so i took more. The thought of suicide crossed my mind in a serious 'i want to do it now' sort of way. That scared me actually. I needed to make all of the thoughts go away so i took more sleeping pills. When i woke up, i thought i had only taken three but it turns out i took about five or six. I know this is disgusting but it happens; i pood myself in bed :(. I had taken 80 laxatives before the sleeping pills and i just didn't wake up. It was so messy this morning :(

So yeah, all my bedding is currently being boil washed and my duvet is in the drier. I could die of shame :(

Today, i am weird. The sleeping pills aren't out of my system just yet and, although i know what i am doing, i am not really 'with it'. I am pretty sure that if i was to have a nice, long phone call now, i wouldn't remember it.

Not good :S

Ah well. This is why i like texting- because i have a record of everything i have said and it helps with my already non-existant memory.

Tonight, i am planning on keeping going with the cleaning. I am going to make LK a drawer in the house because she comes here often enough to have one :D Then, i am going to wash my makeup brushes and arrange my makeup. I was meant to do that the other day but i couldn't be bothered lol.

First things first - the normal cleaning, washing of dishes, hoovering etc.

:)

I love you xxx