I don't know how much longer i can keep this up.

Since Thursday night, there has not been a gap of more than about eight hours where i haven't taken at least forty laxatives.

I haven't eaten today because i normally eat something at around this time but, not only that, i have nothing in the house. Normally, a salad would be a safe option for me at this time but right now, i don't even have any of that. There is literally nothing in the house. Well, there are a few Quorn slices, a bag of sprouts, a couple of Ryvitas and that is about it.

My stomach is really broken.

I was just about to leave the house and pop across to the shop for something small and quick. But no. My lax kicked in again and boom. This time there is not very much for them to work with so i am laid on the bed, writhing in pain, running backwards and forwards to the bathroom and moaning in agony. My stomach is jumping in sick, twisted circles. Its moving from the pain and agony of a thousand knives to the emptiness and extreme pain of nothingness. Only when you manage to take so many laxatives that they actually come back out whole do you realise that you're really up shit creek if you will excuse the pun. My stomach is literally just a pitted mess of pain.

I have been through at least seven large boxes of Dulcolax since Friday and i am unsure as to how much longer i am going to be able to last like this. I really do feel so far in over my head.

I am in so much physical pain and mental torment right now that i don't actually even have the energy to get out of bed half the time.

Depression has really kicked in and it has really hit me hard this time. Like...i don't know...it hurts.

I just want it to stop. I don't care how melodramatic i sound. It really hurts.