Changes

My plan for today was pretty minimal, to say the least! I had an appointment booked in for 1pm, where my support worker was going to pick me up and take me to her office so that we could fill in some forms for this Self Directed Services thing that she has been talking to me about. She called me up just forty-five minutes before she was due to pick me up, to tell me that she was going to either have to cancel or i was going to have to make my own way up there. I don't mind going up there at all but i don't remember where it is lol. I know what the building looks like but have no idea how to get there and, even though she tried explaining it to me, it sent me too panicky. I hadn't even decided what i was going to wear yet and even though that sounds like me being a big girl's blouse, it's not. Getting dressed is a massive hurdle for me to get over and i have to do it just before i leave the house. I have to avoid thinking about it because it sends me too panicky. Plus, i don't feel able to make decisions until i have my face on and my hurr did ;)

So we had to cancel.

I felt annoyed that i had got ready and decided to call my Dad to see what he was doing. He was going in to town with my brother (who really needs to start shaving btw lol) and asked if i wanted to go and help choose my Mum's birthday present. I agreed and the plan was a-go-go. There was a shakey point when i got to the bus stop and decided i needed to cancel because people this large shouldn't be allowed out (well, not 'people', just ME hah) but after a quick call to Dad and some kind words, i was ready. Its a case of ignoring my body right now. It's just there and there's nothing quick that i can do to change that. Gay.

Anyway, i met him and my gosh i was stressy. My anxiety was so high and it was causing me to get a bit snappy. That paired with the way my Dad was saying 'no' to every single birthday suggestion, was pissing me off. Thomas was just lolling along and telling me daft stories about how his cat shat all over the floor of the vets waiting room after falling out of the bottom of the cat box the other day, so he was helping. At one point, we went to Starbucks and after declining my Dad's ever-so-tempting offer of a bottle of water (tempting is an understatement, eh?!), i had to run outside. I could feel my anxiety getting to the edge of the cliff kind of stage, where i was about to fall of and crack the frick up. lol. Thomas followed me and then Dad brought his coffee out. I felt quite bad if i am honest. :l

I lasted about an hour and a half though :) And we managed to get my Mum's birthday present. Just some vouchers for a beauty salon in town, which should get her off her arse and out of bed. (We wont get me started on that!)

I then came home and have been sat, cruisin' and surfin'. I caught up on a few blogs and ordered some Konad stuff from eBay. Best idea of life. I have only ordered a scraper, a stamper and one french tip plate but am still really looking forward to giving them a try! I am well into the nail thing, as we all know by now, so this will be something different for me to try my hand at :)