PILLZ ARE NOT THE ANSWER

...but i am so flipping happy that i have found a box of old sleeping tablets. I am too anxious to go to the doctors so scoring these little beauties is an absolute blessing. I literally sleep for about three to four hours a night, if i am lucky. Other nights, i don't sleep at all.

Thanking the stars!

I am in bed right now so bare with me because the pills might kick in and, even though i will think i am being completely coherent, i often waffle about absolute twoddle!

Now, my iTunes has just given me a bit of a blast from the past. 14th August 2006. The release date of Christina's Back To Basics album. Most of you will know that i LOVE Christina Aguilera so flipping much. Well, i love(d) her. I have gone off her in recent months but still love the memory of loving her. Oh whatever. Ill blame the pills for my lack of sense but really, i just can't think...

Anywho. Video:

Bloody beaut. I've posted the live one just because i remember going to see her in Sheffield for the first date of her world tour and she cried, so i cried. Yes. I am just that cool.

Quick update on the appointment situation. I spoke to Hayley, my CPN. She said she is going to leave the appointment open for me to come to on Thursday (i thought it was tomorrow but was wrong). 

She asked if i was going to be able to manage going to my CPA on the 15th and ive told her there is no chance i will be able to manage that. She said that she would do her best to get everybody to agree to that but she would only really have any sort of chance of getting them to go ahead without me if i came to see her. So this has left me in a right predicament. And, before you even start, i know i should go. I know that my behaviours aren't normal and blah blah blah. But other people need this more. Other people are smaller, iller, more deserving. EURGH. My head hurts because my brain wants to say, 'get a grip and go. You're not going to look as different as you're telling yourself' but then another part is just convinced they will see me and even if they don't say anything, they will notice how much bloat there is and just ejhgfjghabailgfugfuiguyfgeuyrgfuykfhdgjdbgjlauyfguyrgafiaigljdgf

thats the sound of my brain short circuiting.

argh

I was meant to be seeing Liv tomorrow but i forgot to text her. Blahhhhh. I am seeing Lucie in the afternoon. She basically said either i meet her or she's coming up here because 'you've been on your own since Friday. I am worried about you'. So that didn't give me much choice.

also, completely off-topic, but i need a fecking new hoover!

The end.