Apprehensive

I don't know what i should do about my pills and i don't know whether they are the things i should be blaming for this sickness. All i do know is that, straight after posting last night's blog, i was violently sick. Twice.

I don't know what to do about the doseage so i am going to take tonight's but then talk to my CPN about it tomorrow and see if she has any input in to what i could/should be doing. I know that 60mg is a massive dose on these pills and people are normally quite shocked to know that i am not too poorly when i miss a dose but what you have to remember is that i find it really difficult to differenciate between the 'poorly' i get from the poo pills and the 'poorly' i get from anything else. Normally, i blame everything on the things i do to myself and just take it as a norm that i have stomach ache or that i have just been sick but this is having an effect on my mood and i am feeling REALLY flipping dizzy. Earlier, i was sat watching television and i felt a panic attack brewing. I took a Diazepam (the last one i have) and i think it worked because my anxiety came to a sizzle whereas before, it was balancing on the every edge of a panic attack. You know how it is - a bit twitchy, funny eyesight, shakey hands etc.

I have an appointment, like i said before, with my CPN tomorrow and it is going to be my first in quite a while

'You look so well'

I can barely wait

BITCHES, GET OVER IT. I HAVE A TAN AND AM MASSIVE

I FEEL SHIT. DON'T FUCKING TELL ME I LOOK WELL. FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF.

snails