Nose lerg, baby steps, giant leaps and Florida :)

This past two days, we haven't done anything. Well, yesterday, we walked to International Drive to get some cream for my nose lerg. Then we walked back and stayed in our hotel room, watching Housewives Of New Jersey and moaning about our sunburn. I got such bad burny skin last night that Chantelle ended up going down to the shop in the lobby and spending $30 on Benadryl this and Benadryl that. Such a leg end. Luvdatkid.

Nose Lerg

It started out on Sunday and it was okay. I could cope. I put makeup around it because it wouldn't cover. It was just a nice simple spot with a little bit of lergyness but nothing i couldn't handle, cos i am badass. On Sunday, like the absolute clever little shits we are, we went to a water park. Bright idea! NOT. Next thing i know, it is Monday morning and i have woken up to find that my nose was basically a giant scab. I have never seen anything like it. SLAB BANG IN THE MIDDLE OF MY FACE! Like i don't normally feel gross enough, this was just the icing on the cake. I refused to leave the hotel because it was too gross. We had a meeting with our holiday rep and i sat there with my hand cupping my nose for the whole time. So annoying.

We took a stroll up to Walgreens and spoke to the pharmacist who said it looked like Impetigo and suggested being seen at their clinic. Oh yeah. Only $80 for a consultation. SEE ME THREE TIMES! Lol joke. She said i could try this weird cream called Neosporin. $6.49 is how much is cost me! Slight difference, huh?
I have been applying it every couple of hours, each time washing my face, applying the shit and sanitising my hands. Each time using a different towel. Whenever i have even had an itch on my nose, i have had to pretend it wasn't there, try to move it or just scratch and restart the whole thing all over again. It has been worth it though because it has cleared up a ridiculous amount.

Thank flip.

- - - 

Weather

The average temperature at the minute is about 33 degrees which is frying us alive. I have tiny blisters on my shoulders and am just burning like a mother fudger. Chantelle's has now turned to tan, apart from a few little bits which are a wee bit red but nothing like the beast of mine.
I spent most of today sunbathing and being laid on my tummy. I had my bikini on and you should see the white lines on my arse. I can't even explain how white my bum is compared to my legs. IT IS HILARIOUS. So much so that i was distracted from body checking for a moment because i had fits of giggles!

- - -
Struggles

Hiding my body is a massive issue. Florida is in the middle of a stupidly hot Spring and is just a burning ball of fire. I bought tights, maxi skirts and maxi dresses but they are just not a possibility. Its so hot that i am dead. I can't imagine wearing them.
On the first day, i ripped of my plaster, so to speak. I stripped off and jumped in to the shower. Chantelle wasn't phased. We used to do it all the time. It made me feel sick but only because I MAKE ME FEEL SICK. Not because i cared about what she thought because i know she wouldn't think horrid things. Lovely. So that was that.
When going down to the pool, i wear clothes and then take them off when i get there. Most people are out and about and doing shit. The pool area is generally pretty quiet which is fabulous. That hasn't actually been that much of an issue.
I am struggling a bit tonight but only because the stupid folding mirror wardrobe door has been positioned in such a way that i can see myself on the bed and i can see my chins and blah blah. Gay.
When we went to the water park on Sunday, it was hell. Actual living hell. It cost us $100, which is daft enough, but it was just complete torture. I knew Chantelle really wanted to go to a water park and i wont lie, this one (Aquatica) looked frigging well fun. It got to the point where i just burst in to tears and we left. Chantelle wasn't loving it either, due to a few issues she has with just wearing a bikini. It was like going from crawling along the floor to running around the world. Daft idea really. We came, we saw and we did not conquer but all is well and good. We lived and we learned that we DO NOT LIKE WATER PARKS. Simples.
Came back to the hotel, developed nose lerg, went to bed, died!

I keep getting scared about things. The climate has well and truly FUCKED with my water. Like, everything i drink it living on my thighs, in my chin and around my hips. Everything i eat is just not working like it normally does in the UK. I have lax and shiznit but they don't seem to be doing the same job. Its all very disorientating and i am scared. I keep getting worried that because i am wearing a bikini, i have been lieing for all this time. That i am comfortable.
I am trying SO FUCKING HARD. Chantelle deserves this holiday. We both do. We both deserve two weeks of being happy but its hard when i have this fucking thing here.
I was sat on the rollercoaster the other day. I think it was the Spiderman ride. My first thought was what my legs were doing. Whether the gaps were smaller. Whether the stupid salad from the night before was showing. Whether all this fucking stupid jsdhfjhsgfjbsf
I am struggling with seeing my body so much. I NEVER see it. Ever. I shower in the dark. Change in minimal time...just do all this shit and its weird.
I don't know...i just feel strange.

The temperature is not allowing for so many behaviours.

One of those is in relation to cardigans. I can't wear them. I will die.
Bare in mind that i wear a cardigan every single day and i ALWAYS ask permission to take it off, even if i am at a friend's house. I never take it off in public. I haven't worn a cardigan since i arrived and i can't lie to you. I FUCKING LOVE IT. I love the freedom. I am learning to live with them. I would never have been able to manage it in England like this but because i know i will never see these people again, i feel like i can do it. I am getting stared at but my 'freak show' feeling is getting less and less. At first i was saying stuff to people like, 'what the hell are you looking at?!' but now i am just accepting that it isn't an everyday thing and that people ARE going to stare. They just are. Its sad but it is taboo. People are either expected to hide it or other people are in denial that it is happening. Ignorance is absolute bliss, remember.
I am not as defensive now. I mean, if someone is sat and pokes their friend to look or whispers something then they better get ready for me to release the beast. Otherwise, i don't give a shit. Fucking stare. Do what you want but you have a limit. You don't want to be overdoing it because my hatred for my body needs to come out somehow and i feel rather aggressive. lol. I wont be beating anyone down but i will make you feel so much shame.
I am at a stage where i am starting to accept responsiility but let go of all shame. I AM NOT ashamed of my scars. Shame is not going to get me anywhere. It is going to hold me back. I need to move forward and i truly do feel like this is a good step. Not a 'OMG well done' sort of thing but a good step nonetheless.



Oh god. I wish i could do the same with this stupid body. It is expanding and i am scared. hsggigheiuagfugajhgfjhgfjhgajhf



SNAILS.