Delayed post. Proud of myself

I wrote this yesterday but can't seem to connect to the net on my laptop so have had to Wait to post it from my iPhone :)

I have been meaning to blog about this since yesterday but have been a bit FML and, to be honest, i haven't been able to get up the motivation to actually sit down and type out what happened.

We went to Hollywood Studios on Thursday and had a blast. It was really nice to walk around because everything is interactive, even walking down the street, they have street performers and stuff. There are parts that look like an actual movie set, as well as a few rides. If i am honest though, i enjoyed just strolling around and taking things in so much more.
Chantelle was DIEING to have something to eat at Pizza Planet once i had told her about it, so we went off to there, where i had such a nice salad… It had garden peas in it and tiny tiny pieces of chopped tomatoes. It was so delicious, i can't even tell you. I am finding that ordering a chicken caesar salad, with no chicken and no dressing is proving to be the best bet for me. I love it. You can get a lovely salad from downstairs in the hotel lobby so i have been having one of those in the evenings…
There we go. Getting distracted by food, AGAIN. lol
Yes, so we went along to Pizza Planet and i can't lie to you, i was also really excited and i used it as a bit of a CBT test. I have been meaning to go in to smelly places but have beeb finding it SO difficult all holiday. I knew that Chantelle really wanted to eat in Pizza Planet though, and what my darling wants, she shall get :).
I can't lie. It was a disappointment.
I am still a little child, so my expectations were particularly high. Chantelle and I are self confessed Toy Story addicts, and while she told me that she had not had any expectations and so was not disappointed, i had built it up in my mind and was quite the opposite. The tables were simple square-shaped tables with these strange designs on. The best thing about the whole place was probably the little aliens hanging from the roof, which were actually rather large but without them, i don't think you would have known what movie this place was based on!
I even got excited for the toilets because i thought that SURELY they would have gone all out and done some cute design, with a nice space age feel and a few planets here and there. I was thinking about something along the lines of a space world with stars and just…it was literally nothing. There was just no fun. White walls, two cubicles, two hand basins, a mirror and a trash can (i am so american! ;)).
At least i had the nice salad though :) And Chantelle seemed to enjoy her cheese pizza, even if she did admit that the Caesar Salad that she got on the side was actually the best part of the whole thing. That chick is a freak. The mind doesn't half boggle!

Anyway, back to the point of this post -
We went in to the animation studio of Hollywood Studios. We both remember it from last time and it was so good. There was a show, which we both sat, watched and laughed along to,. It was all about the creative process that animators for the Mulan movie went through, to finally decide on having Mushu as a character. I can't even tell you how much we both love Mushu. Plus, it was just too funny. That was followed by a little walk-through area where we got to have a look at sketches and development work on characters. There was a display relating to the new Cars 2 movie (which we will SO be going to see) and it was all really nice.
We both were excited for the next part - where you get to spend twenty minutes, learning how to draw a certain Disney character. I remember learning to draw Mickey Mouse last time we came to Orlando and i still have the 'MGM Studios' headed paper that i drew on way back then.
We strolled over to the waiting area to go in to the room for the animation workshop and it looked busy.  We walked up to the lady that was being a bit like crowd control. She informed us that she would try to get us in but that she was doubtful that we would be able to go in for this workshop. I wasn't bothered by this because it was stupidly hot and busy yesterday, so i half expected it would be a bit busy, considering how air conditioned rooms are a godsend around this place! However, what i was pissed off about was how, for the entire time she was talking to us, she was STARING at my arm. I have a lot of scars on my left arm, which i have blogged about before. There are no new cuts or anything like that and i have not intentionally harmed myself in a long time. They are just the scars from past traumas and heartache. Just a load of lines that people seem to think make me in to some sort of object that deserves to be stared at. I was having SUCH a bad fat day yesterday and had been a bit snappy all day but i managed to keep myself calm(ish). She told us that we could wait for the next showing if we wanted but i just couldn't cope with the staring. It was really upsetting me. I couldn't keep it in and decided to say something, firstly to my sister, 'Come on Chantelle, i am NOT waiting just to be stared at!' and then to the lady, 'Do you really think that i can't see you standing there, staring at me?'. I walked away.
Chantelle knew how upset i was and told me that she had also noticed the woman doing it but we had decided a while back that this is my journey and that it needs to be me that speaks up when things are upsetting me. She can't fight my battles and this is going to be a battle that i need to fight, not against myself but against the ignorance of some people. I don't mean to sound so blunt but i do not fucking deserve to be stared at. There was a time in my life which contained extreme sadness and i found a way of dealing with it that i have to live with forever. I do not deserve to be treat like my scars are me. If you were talking to somebody with one leg, you would still think that they deserved eye contact. You don't know what caused them to be in that situation but you would not talk to the empty space where the leg once was. So why is it okay for you to stare at scars? They may shock, i understand that, but many things shock. It doesn't jzhgjhfgjhsgjhfs. I am just getting angry with inconsideration and with these bloody scars making me feel like i deserve to be treat as less of a person or something.
I had walked away from the lady but i had to turn back. I needed to say something. I don't know what it is that had come over me but i felt like this was something that i HAD to do. I stormed back over and waited for her to finish talking to another family of park visitors. I didn't allow her to even say anything to me because she had already seen how upset she had made me. I launched in to some sort of completely unrehearsed monologue and completely knocked the wind out of her. 'Just so you know…For future reference, if somebody comes up to you with cuts or scars on their arms, you should know that they do NOT deserve to be stared at. I still deserve some eye contact and i don't think you actually realise how much you have upset me.' I said this whilst talking through the tears that had moved from my chest and now resided just between my mouth and voice box, as well as forming a dam in my eyelids. 'You really don't understand how upset you have made me. Just for future reference, you might want to consider how you treat people with scars. I can't even tell you how you have made me feel.'
Well, that did the trick. She apologised and looked genuinely sorry. As i was saying all of this to her, i looked around and realised that an actual crowd of people were watching what was going on. Good. I was glad. I felt like the fact that there was a group of people hearing what i had to say, was getting my message across to more people.

The sense of pride i felt in myself, i just can't even verbalise it. I kept replaying it in my mind. Normally, i think of shoulda, woulda's and coulda's but i couldn't. I felt like i had said exactly what needed to be said. I felt like i had fought the fight i needed to fight. I didn't want to fight it for other people. I wanted to fight it for myself. I needed to do that.

Chantelle couldn't stop beaming. I don't think she had even imagined that was going to happen. When i was walking back to the woman, she had to run after me because i just…i couldn't stop from adrenaline and i was just genuinely upset.

To me, Disney has a massive meaning. It is a place of acceptance - where every single girl is a princess and every boy is a prince and should be treat that way. Old, young, big, small, fat, thin, white, black, english, french, african…all of them are princes and princesses. I felt violated that the happiest place i have ever been (and i mean that. i am literally that much of a freak lol) had been tainted. It had ruined it because i had had the best experiences with every other cast member i had come in to contact with and just…i was annoyed, okay?! Simple.

And i will be completely honest with you…

I AM PROUD OF MYSELF.

I love[d] that feeling.