You're scared that i hate you? I don't hate you, i am sure. Off the top of my head right now, i can't really think of anybody i actually hate. And especially considering you are obviously on my friends list somewhere online, i can guarantee i don't hate you.
I guess some people just find me kinda hard to handle sometimes. When things get worse, i push people away; leaving them feeling helpless and useless. I don't mean to do it but i have done it my whole life. I get scared that I will hurt you or something...i dont know how to explain it.
Basically, i don't think that anybody can help me until i stand up and say that i want to help myself enough to do something about it. Obviously, i DO want to help myself but right now, in my mind, things aren't bad enough to warrant such help. This is my disorder speaking here, i know that but it is how i think right now. Until my health is so bad that help is needed, i don't think i know how to stop,
I don't want to lose anymore friends because of this so just speak to me?
Taking you on a journey through my life and documenting the triumphs and trials that come hand in hand with having an eating disorder. Hopefully, one day i will be able to look back on this and see just how far i have come.
Sunday, 12 September 2010
I don't want you to think badly of me. I love you and you used to know that I did- I'm just not sure if you still know. I just find it hard to be your friend, because I can't help you, I can't save you and I'm terrified that you hate me, so much.
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